You Were There
by babyfinnickcrab828
Summary: Natasha missed Bruce. A lot. Little did she realize that the man who was always there for her had been by her side the whole time. Steve Rogers loved Natasha, but it took her long enough to figure that out. *rated T for language
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

If felt weird to her. Bruce wasn't here. The Hulk had disappeared after the fight against Ultron and Natasha felt his absence the most.. She had tried to start something romantic, but it hadn't played out how she wanted. It was almost too good to be true. _Dammit ,_ she thought, w _hy does love hate me? What did I do wrong? Oh right, I'm the Black Widow and the Black Widow doesn't know how to love._ Natasha sighed. _But what about Natasha Romanoff? Can she learn to love?_ Her phone vibrated in her pocket and broke her train of thought. It was Steve.

Steve: Training starts in 20 minutes.

The old man finally learned how to text. Natasha slid her phone back into her pocket and made her way downstairs to the training rooms. The others were warming up and stretching. She took her place next to Steve.

"Hey Nat. How are you feeling?"

"Hey. I'm fine Steve."

He looked at her, unsure, but still unable to read her. He shrugged it off.

"Should we put them in pairs and let them spar?"

"Yeah sounds good. Um let's do Sam and Rhodey. Vision and Wanda. You and Me."

"Ok. Hear that guys. Pair up: Sam and Rhodey, Vision and Wanda, Natasha and I."

They separated into their pairs and began sparring.

"Ready to have your ass kicked Rogers?"

"What makes you so sure that's gonna happen Romanoff?"  
Natasha flashed her trademark smirk before getting into her ready stance. Steve got ready too, but not before Natasha took a swing at his head. Steve ducked just in time to grab her arm and flip her over. Natasha hit the ground, but quickly recovered and knocked Steve off his feet. He got up quickly and resumed his stance. He took a punch at Natasha but she moved swiftly out of the way to avoid it. They went back and forth throwing punches and swinging at each other until Steve caught Natasha off guard and fell to the ground, with Steve awkwardly landing on top of her. _Oh my god he's on top of me. Shit he's so muscular. No, knock it off Natalia you can't do this to yourself._ She looked at Steve's bright tomato-red face and laughed. He crambled to get up and apologized.

"Sorry Nat."

"Hahaha don't worry about it. You may have won this time, but I won't let it happen again."

As the new recruits' training came to an end for the day, Natasha headed to the elevator to go up to her room and shower. Steve joined her in the elevator.

"Quick wash up before dinner. I have to be down to cook something up."

"Yeah I'm gonna shower too. We're watching a movie tonight. Sam and Rhodey picked one out already. I think you're gonna like it."

The elevator dinged and Natasha got off.


	2. Chapter 2

As Natasha hopped into the shower, she thought about the same thing: Bruce. She missed him terribly. But she also had her team to think about. She had to help Steve run the place, adequately train Sam, Rhodey, Vision, and Wanda, and keep her emotions at bay. But he was her one chance at a real relationship! Natasha decided to give up on romance, as she had a long time ago. It wouldn't work out anyway. _Ugh!,_ she thought. She turned off the water and dried off. she changed into a black tank top and red plaid pajama shorts. Natasha headed downstairs to the kitchen, where she spotted Steve cooking.

"Smells good."

"Hey. Really? I hope so. I'm trying something new. It's called Thai food."

Natasha couldn't help but laugh. "Thai food isn't new Steve, but it's nice to see you trying it."

He glared at her for a moment, before smiling.

"Wanna help?"

"I'm afraid I'm not too good at cooking."

"That's fine. Will you set the table please?"

"Sure."

Natasha went to open the cupboard and pulled seven plates, and seven cups. She placed them on the table and went to the drawer to grab the utensils. While Natasha was doing all of this, Steve kept glancing at her, admiring his partner's agility and, well, her beauty. He didn't want to admit it, but Steve had grown close with Natasha over the years as they went on countless missions together. They bonded the most when they were undercover in DC before S.H.I.E.L.D fell. They had shared their most vulnerable information and even staged an engagement. As he thought about the guy in the Apple Store, Steve couldn't help the smile that was tugging at his lips. Just then, he noticed Natasha looking at him oddly.

"Why are you smiling?"

"Oh it's nothing."

"Uh huh. Spill."

"Seriously it's nothing!"

"I'm not going to let you get out of this Rogers. Tell meeeeeee."

"I was just thinking about old times. You and me in DC, running from Hydra. Stuff like that."

"Oh I see."

"Yeah."

Natasha thought about DC. She remembered fighting Steve's friend Bucky, who was the Winter Soldier. She remembered the moment they had at Sam's house, where she had shared some of her feelings with Steve, something she only ever did with Clint. She remembered their kiss on the escalator, and how she teased him about it in the car. _We had some good times,_ she thoughts. "I kind of miss it to be honest. You know, just the three of us running from Hydra, all that undercover stuff. It was kind of fun, except for Fury faking his death…"

"I agree.


	3. Chapter 3

**hey guys i'm sorry these chapters are so short but i never have the time to write so i just get as much as i can done and post so that i don't keep you waiting. i just wanted to let you and say sorry about the brevity. lots of love 3**

Chapter 3

Once they'd finished eating dinner (which ended up being delicious), the Avengers curled up together on the couch and chairs to watch the movie Sam and Rhodey had picked: _Ferris Bueller's Day Off (idk why)_. The guys joked and laughed throughout the whole movie, and Steve was definitely amused. Wanda giggled every now and then, but Natasha was lost in thought. She was thinking about her and Steve's conversation before dinner about how things used to be; just the two of them joking around with each other, Natasha trying to set Steve up on a date and her pretending not to be interested in romance, Steve's sensitivity towards the girl in the picture (who Natasha later found out was Peggy Carter), faking an engagement, and their kiss. Sure it wasn't the best kiss she'd ever had, but it definitely wasn't completely awful. Natasha had had to kiss a lot of guys, and most times they were so meaningless to her that she never stopped to think about whether or not they were good. But when it came to Steve, she took the time to acknowledge his skill level and even ask questions. But, she and Bruce had never kissed. Not that kissing him was on the top of her list, but still. The more Natasha thought about her failed romance with Bruce, the more she realized he wasn't for her. They were friends; they understood each other and listened to each other and Natasha was there to calm the Hulk down, but was there really any love behind it? _Do I really love him?,_ she thought.

Once the movie had ended, Steve checked the time which was 10:47 pm. The Avengers were tired and decided to head to their rooms for some well-deserved sleep. The others went up, but Steve stayed behind for a moment to make himself a cup of tea. Natasha noticed this and stayed behind. As she was about to approach him, his phone made a sound. _Who the hell could that be?_ , she thought.

"Who's that? Don't tell me we're being sent on a mission right now."

"No. It's Sharon. You know the 'nurse' you had me call? Well, we've been going out and she wants to know if I'm free tomorrow night."

 _Oh._ The information hit Natasha like a slap in the face. It made her feel weird knowing this. Of course she wanted Steve to be happy, which is why she told him to call Sharon in the first place, but she didn't think he'd actually do it let alone date her.

"That's great! You guys should totally go out tomorrow night."

"Well I'd love to, but I have a team to take care of, and that means providing them with food."

"Don't worry about it Steve. We'll order takeout. You should go and have fun."

Suddenly whatever Natasha had come to make a joke about was replaced with a kind of sadness. "I'm going to bed. Goodnight Steve."

"Goodnight Nat."

And with that she went to bed.

As Natasha lay in bed, she let the darkness around her absorb her feelings and thoughts. It was difficult for her to process Steve Rogers aka Captain America dating a 21st century girl like Sharon Carter. Maybe it was because she was related to his first love, or maybe he really fancied her. That wasn't Natasha's business. What really got to her was the feeling in her stomach when he told her. _Why do you let it bother you Natalia? It's not like he's yours and he can't like other girls. What's it to you? You don't love him._ She stopped thinking for a second. Was she lying to herself? Did she really have feelings for Cap? Natasha pondered this for a moment. It made sense for her to, because they'd spent so much time together over the years. She and Clint had also, but Natasha knew about Laura and the kids. Steve was different though. A gentlemen and a soldier. Not a goofball and fellow spy. Steve had manners; he treated Natasha like a woman, a friend, and even an equal. Everyone else was afraid of the Black Widow and only saw an uncontained dangerous weapon. Natasha liked the way Steve treated her. With a smile, Natasha drifted into a rough, nightmarish sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

**just fyi guys Natasha's past is not entirely the same as in the comics. i'm altering it a bit for the sake of the story. meaning it's more related to MCU and also other little things.**

As usual, Natasha had nightmares about the Red Room. The same thing each night: torture classes, training, the pain she had felt, and the most repetitive concept of how much red she had in her ledger. She woke up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat and panting. Even the Black Widow could never get used to nightmares. She got out of bed and went downstairs to make herself a cup of coffee and sit on the couch. As she came down, she noticed the light was on. _Steve_ , she thought excitedly. She came down softly so that she could surprise him. As she stood in the doorway, she thought he was oblivious until he suddenly said "Don't be shy Nat. I won't bite you you can come out of your hiding place." _Damn_.

"Why are you up Steve?"

"He sighed before answering "I was having nightmares about the ice and everything that happened during the fight against Ultron."

"Oh."

"Yeah. Why are you up? It's like 3:00 in the morning."

"I was having nightmares too", she responded meekly.

"What about, if you don't mind me asking."

"About the Red Room. The place where I was trained."

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"It's fine."

As she sat there next to Steve and thought about each of their hardships, Natasha eyes began to water. Steve noticed and stood up to give her a hug. "Hey don't worry about it. Everything's fine. We're all here. We can be your new family."

This made Natasha stop crying until all that was left was a few sniffles. "We should get some sleep. Do you want to join me?"

As soon as the words left his mouth, Steve blushed vigorously. "I don't mean it like that I swear."

"I know what you mean and if you don't mind I'd like to."

"Come on." Steve took Natasha's hand and led her upstairs. He opened the door to his room and Natasha followed him in. "If you don't mind I might stay up for a bit, just until I can fall asleep."

"Ok." They climbed into bed and pulled up the covers. Steve took his drawing notebook out of his drawer and quickly sharpened his pencil. He opened the notebook and Natasha gasped. "These drawings are incredible!"

"You think so? "

Steve opened to the page with the monkey on a unicycle and showed it to Natasha. "This drawing pretty much helped me get through the war."

Natasha was astounded at the detail. Steve then flipped to a new page and looked over at Natasha. "I'll draw something for you. What do you want?" Natasha thought for a second. She decided to go with a ballerina; a sweet reminder of her life in Russia. Although the training was hard, the one thing Natasha loved more than anything was dancing ballet.

"A ballerina. Do you know what one looks like?

Steve smiled. "Yeah I think so." He began the outline of the body, starting from the leg on pointe and up the to perfect bun. They were silent as Natasha watched his hand move across the page. Steve broke the silence. "Why a ballerina Nat? I find it kind of surprising that you chose that over anything else."

Natasha realized she'd never told Steve anything about her past apart from the fact that she worked for the KGB at some point.

"Let me tell you a bit about myself. From the very beginning. First off, my full name is Natalia Alianovna Romanova. When I was a baby, I was stuck in a burning building, but I was saved by the Red Room. I grew up there, where they trained me to be a spy and assassin. There, I learned how to torture and withstand pain as well as how to kill. But they also taught us ballet. I loved it because it let me be free of the controlling Red Room. After I escaped, I gave up dancing, and I still wish I hadn't. So that's a brief summary of my past and that's why I chose a ballerina." Steve was shocked. He imagined a young Natasha being tortured just for the sake of being tortured. It hurt him to see his best friend, who had been turned into a killing machine because she had no choice. Steve closed the notebook and set it aside on the bedside table. He switched off the light and felt Natasha snuggle close to him. he put his arm around her and kissed her forehead. He had questions, but he respected her privacy and didn't ask. Instead he let be comfortable in his arms and slowly felt her breathing ease, signifying she was asleep. He smiled a sad smile before drifting off to sleep too.


	5. Chapter 5

**hey guys people have been asking me why my chapters are so short and i'd like to say it's because i don't have many chances to sit down and write and also because i like to make the chapters little moments and snippets of Romanogers life instead of the whole day because tbh i prefer fluff over some of the other stuff. thanks for understanding!**

Chapter 5

As Steve drifted to sleep, his subconscious awaited the usual nightmare. But it waited until morning came, and it realized there was nothing. No nightmares. Steve woke up around 5:00 am and decided he didn't want to wake Natasha, who was sleeping like an angel. So instead of going for his usual run, he decided to finish the ballerina drawing for Natasha. As he stared at his perfect drawing, the only missing thing was the face and hair details. Steve smiled to himself as he remembered what Natasha had said. He looked at Natasha's peaceful face and copied it to the drawing so that it was not just any ballerina, but Natasha as a ballerina. Steve admired his perfect detail and remarked at how much it resembled Natasha. He pulled out his phone and opened up a translater. He thought carefully about what he wanted to write and finally decided with something short and sweet. He imputed the languages as English to Russian and wrote. He tried his best to sloppily copy the Russian words to the paper and then gently ripped the paper out of the notebook. Steve got up as swiftly as he could, making the least sound and movement possible so not to disturb the sleeping beauty. Steve got changed and headed downstairs to kitchen, where he found Sam Wilson gulping down water.

"Hey man where were you this morning?"

"Hey Sam. You're not gonna believe what happened. Natasha slept in my bed last night."

"Woah, you got laid by the Black Widow herself AND made it out alive?"

"Good lord no. We were both having nightmares, so I invited to sleep in my room so she'd have company and I think it worked because I didn't have any nightmares and she hardly moved."

"Well that's a start."

"What?"

"Nothing man."

Sam headed up to his room to shower before breakfast. Steve began to prepare the table and cook up some eggs, bacon, and pancakes. Around 6:15 am, Natasha woke up, feeling like that was the best sleep she'd had since she could remember. No nightmares whatsoever. Steve had really helped her. _Steve._ Natasha turned to look and where he had been sleeping. Instead she found a folded paper on his pillow. She opened half to find a note written in Russian. She read it to herself. It was the sweetest thing she'd ever read. It said:

Для Наташи, моей лучшей подругой. Я надеюсь, вам понравится, и он приносит обратно самые важные воспоминания; счастливые, сладкие воспоминания о прошлой жизни, которые должны были быть оставлены позади. Берегите эти воспоминания Наташа, никогда не давайте им уйти.

Люблю,

Стив

Reading this made Natasha cry. She silently thanked God that there was no one there to see her break down in tears. She unfolded the other half to find the most beautiful drawing she'd ever seen. As she was admiring the detail, she glanced at the face and realized it was her own! This made her cry even more as she thought about how much effort Steve had put into what should have been a simple sketch. Natasha quickly refolded the paper and wiped her tears away. She made Steve's bed for him, then headed to her own room to shower. She finished fast and went to change into simple athletic wear. Then Natasha made her way downstairs towards the smell of a wonderful breakfast. Even though she'd woken up late, she was one of the first ones down. Only Steve and Sam were up.

"Good morning Natasha."

"Hey Natasha. Feeling like a winner?"

"Shut up Sam. Hi Steve."

"There a fresh cup of coffee on the counter if you want it."

"Yeah thanks."

Slowly, the others came down for breakfast. First came Vision, then Wanda, then Rhodey. Everyone sat down as Steve put the last of the food on the table. Everyone took a good amount of food and put it on their plates. Natasha took some eggs, a pancake, and some bacon. Sam and Rhodey talked and joked all throughout the meal. Vision and Wanda chatted as well, which left Steve and Natasha alone, drinking their coffee in silence. As everyone finished, Steve collected the plates to wash them as the others made their way towards the training rooms with a thank you for the meal. Natasha stayed behind to dry the dishes and put them away.

"Thanks Nat. Soooo… did you get your little gift? I know it's not the best, but I tried. I hope you liked it."

Natasha couldn't help but tear up again. She hugged Steve and said, "I love it more than anything thank you so much. And the note was so sweet."

"No problem Nat, I'm glad you liked it. By the way, sorry about the sloppy handwriting."

Natasha let go and smiled at him. "It wasn't actually bad. Russian is very hard so I understand where you're coming from, but really I thought it was great."

"That's good. We should go before they start to wonder."

"Ok."

Natasha smiled one more time before putting on a serious look and entering the training rooms.

 **Translation: For Natasha, my best friend. I hope you like it, and it brings back the most important memories; the happy, sweet memories of a past life that had to be left behind. Cherish these memories Natasha, don't ever let them go.**

 **Love,**

 **Steve**


	6. Chapter 6

**hey guys sorry it took so long to post a new chapter. anyway here is the new chapter. hope you like it! xoxo**

As the day of training progressed, and the Avengers were clearly improving, Natasha kept catching herself smiling absentmindedly. She felt to touched by Steve's gestures the night before. But as quickly as she wiped the smile off her face, it came back. Eventually, she got rid of it so she could give the Avengers their feedback. Today they were working on weapon training, like how to fire a gun as accurately as possible and how to throw a knife and use anything available to their advantage. Sam and Rhodey were pretty good with a gun, and Wanda's knife throwing skills weren't too bad either. The Vision couldn't really be instructed and clearly weapons weren't his forté. The Avengers fired many bullets and threw many knives, earning the respect of Natasha and Steve. Once the training was over, the Avengers made their way to their rooms to freshen up. Steve caught Natasha just as she was heading up.

"Hey Nat, can I ask you a favor?"

"Sure thing Cap. What's up?"

"So I have a date… with Sharon… tonight."

"Oh my god!"

"Yeah. Anyway, could you order in for dinner tonight? I have to get ready."

"Of course! Oh and by the way, you should get her flowers. Girls love flowers."

"Thanks. What kind of flowers? I don't know what she likes. What do you like? I'll get her those."

 _What the fuck? I don't know what kind of flowers I like._ Natasha thought back to her most distant memories of life before the Red Room. She could vaguely remember the garden of her home. _We had roses. I liked them. Roses it is!_

"You should get her roses. What are you guys going to do anyway?"

"I've invite her to dinner."

"Wow what a gentleman."

"Is that bad?"  
"No it's adorable."

"Ok. Thanks Nat you're the best." He gave her a quick peck on the forehead and headed up to change.

Natasha stood there for a moment, too shocked to do anything else. Although it meant nothing, the lingering feel of his hot lips on her skin made her blush and turn hot. She ran to her room before anyone could see.

~Steve's date~

Steve had taken Natasha's advice and stopped quickly for a bouquet of roses. They certainly smelled nice. Then he was on his way to the restaurant, making sure he was a bit early so that he could make sure the table was ready before she arrived. If Steve was going to be honest, he wasn't in love with Sharon Carter. She was a lovely human being, and she was also related to Peggy, but there was no love behind it. Steve wanted to be her friend, but nothing more. If there's anyone who he'd love to go out with, it's Natasha. _Wait, that can't be right. Natasha! She's my partner and my friend. I can't be in love with her. But… I am._

As Steve sat across from Sharon, he sensed the awkward tension. In reality, Sharon thought Captain America was hot, there's no denying that everyone does. But, she wasn't sure she wanted to date him. And she had a feeling she felt the same way. After dinner, she thanked Steve for his hospitality. As he escorted her to her car, they stopped for a moment.

"Steve I have to talk to you."

"Ok. I also wanted to talk to you."

"Look Steve, you're a great guy don't get me wrong, but I don't think we're right for each other. There's no real romance here."  
"I agree Sharon. Would it be ok if we stayed friends? I like you a lot; you're a wonderful person, but I also feel like we aren't the best couple."

"Yeah friends sounds good. So, uh, see you around Cap."  
"Yeah you too Sharon."

And with that, they went their separate ways.

~Back at the compound~

They ordered in some chinese food, which is Natasha's favorite. As Natasha sat on the couch with the rest of the Avengers, she had never felt so alone. It was because Steve wasn't there. It was this loneliness that made Natasha Romanoff realize that she was madly, deeply in love with Steve Rogers. The fact that Steve was on a date with Sharon Carter, the girl that Natasha had suggested he call. And now it was too late to do anything about it. The others eventually made their way up to their rooms, but Natasha decided to stay downstairs and wait for Steve to come back. She wanted so much to tell Steve that she was in love with him. But could she do it? The Black Widow was brave and courageous, but only when it came to missions. She'd never really been in love before, so this was new to her. As scared as she was to admit her feelings, so was determined to do it anyway.

She sat on the couch, and found herself tearing up. She didn't want anyone to see her, but she couldn't move either. She felt so conflicted about what to do! She heard a set of familiar footsteps and already felt a bit better knowing he was back. Steve walked into the room to find a certain red-head crying on the couch.

"Oh my god Nat what's wrong?"

*sniffles* "I'm fine Steve. How was your date?"

Steve came and sat on the couch next to her and put his arm around her. "Never mind about my date. Why are you crying?"

"There's nothing wrong with me. Tell me about your date, I want to know."

There was a pause before Steve answered, "We broke up. We realized we weren't romantically compatible, but we'll stay friends."

Natasha felt so relieved she could cry! But she wasn't about to cry again.

"I'm sorry Steve."

"It's alright. I'm not really upset."

Suddenly Natasha couldn't resist the urge to throw her arms around him. Steve was taken aback by the gesture, but hugged her back.

"Steve, can I sleep with you again tonight? Not like that…."

Steve smiled at the childishness in her voice. "Of course you can."


	7. Chapter 7

**hey guys i'm so sorry about the delay. school started so i've been pretty busy. i'll try my best to update as much as possible, but just fyi i may only upload on fridays and the weekends. anyway here it chapter 7 i hope you enjoy! xoxo**

As the two made their way up to Steve's bedroom, each had one thing in mind: their love for the other. Neither knew that the other had feelings for them, but each wanted to let the other know that night. Once they made it to Steve's bedroom, Natasha was the first to break the news; she couldn't hold it in any longer.

"Steve I have to tell you something. It's not easy for me to say this but I'm in love with you."

Now she was the one blushing. Steve smiled, relieved that she felt the same as him.

"Thank God. To be honest Nat I love you too. That's why I broke up with Sharon. I realized I was in love with someone else and that person is you."

Slowly, Steve brought his lips to Natasha's and she didn't resist. She threw her arms around Steve and he placed his hands around her waist. They kissed softly at first, but slowly increased the passion. Natasha had never felt so happy before. In that moment, Bruce was nothing to her. The only one who mattered was Steve.

They eventually had to break to get some air. They stared at each other, glad to have found the one they love.

"We should get into bed now. We can continue there."

"Ok. Wow who knew Captain America had a sexy side?", Natasha responded with her trademark smirk.

Steve returned the smile and they both climbed into bed. There, they continued kissing until the were too tired to continue, which they did until they almost collapsed from exhaustion. Then they lay there in each other's arms, smiling at the sudden happiness they felt. Natasha drifted off to sleep before Steve did, so he lay there looking at how peaceful she looked when she slept, how vulnerable she looked, and the slightest trace of a smile tugging at her lips. With a final smile, he too fell asleep. As the night drew on, there was nothing to haunt the dreams of the two Avengers. It was a peaceful and quiet night. Both dreamt on until morning, when Steve woke up first for his early morning jog. At first he didn't want to leave as he looked down on the beautiful woman sleeping next to him. He smiled and planted a kiss on her forehead before making his way towards his drawer to pull out some jogging clothes. Steve pulled on a tight grey t-shirt and blue sweatpants before heading to the elevator. The elevator stopped on the floor below his and Sam got on.

"Hey partner how's it going?"

"Good morning Sam."

"You look happy today. Wanna tell me why?"

"I think Natasha and I might be in a relationship now. We kissed last night."  
"Damn are you serious? Dude that's amazing I'm so happy for you man."

"Hehe thanks Sam."

"So was it just kissing or…?"

"Nothing else."

"Dammit ok."

The elevator dinged and opened on the first floor. The men exited and began their jog.

Natasha awoke about a half hour later and smiled at how calm of a night she'd had, free of nightmares and memories of her past. She smiled as she remembered her night with Steve. She'd been waiting for a reason to kiss him again after she'd remembered their first kiss in DC. Finally her dreams had come true as they spent almost all night making out. As Natasha looked around the room, she came to realize that it wasn't her own. It was Steve's. _Steve._ She turned to look at him, but he wasn't there. Natasha was confused for a moment before she remembered that he and Sam went for their morning jog. She got up and went back to her room to shower and change. As Natasha stepped under the warm water, she suddenly felt a pang of guilt. Her past had left her alone in the night, but it had come back in the morning to haunt her. Thoughts of the Black Widow. _I can't love Steve. Love is for children. I don't want to hurt him. I have to wipe out the red in my ledger before anything else. I am the least important in the current situation. I cannot feel for myself before I fix what I started._ But those thoughts faded and were replaced with the thoughts of Natasha Romanoff. _But I didn't start this. They turned me into a monster, a killing machine. Maybe the way to wipe out that red is to know that there's someone worth doing it for. Maybe being in love with Steve will help me._ She felt so conflicted, but decided she'd think about it later. She turned the water off and got out. As Natasha was drying her fiery hair, she stared at herself in the mirror. However, instead of seeing an assassin and monster, she saw the little girl who loved to dance, the one Steve had drawn. But where was that child now? A mere image, a reflection in the mirror. It wasn't real. She gave up dancing a long time. She left that version of herself back in Russia, back when she was still Natalia, the girl that was training hard to be the killer she was now. But what do Natalia and Natasha have in common? They are _the same person._

 _I was a child then, I didn't know what I was getting myself into. No that's not true. I knew exactly what I was getting myself into. I pushed myself not to be AMONG the best but to BE the best. I grew up a long time ago. I was only a child for a short time. And look where it's got me now._ Natasha gave herself one last look in the mirror and left the bathroom to change into black leggings and a black tank top. As Natasha made her way to the elevator and down to the communal floor, she played back her thoughts in her head. Now, feeling true love for the first time after the death of her parents, Natasha felt like a child again. The elevator opened and Natasha broke out of her daze. Steve and Sam had just gotten back; she could tell from Sam/s heavy panting.

"Morning boys. Have a good run?"

"Hey Nat."

"Well well well aren't you just about the luckiest girl in the world."

Natasha gave him a playful glare and looked at Steve. Sam caught on, "I'm gonna go shower. I'll leave you two to whatever you're gonna do." With a final smile, Sam left the two lovers.

Natasha couldn't resist the childish urge to jump into Steve's arms, so she did. Steve caught her and smiled. Once again Natasha began to cry.

"Hey what's wrong?"  
"Nothing I've just never felt loved before and it makes me so happy. I feel like a little kid."

"Aw Nat. What do you mean you've never been loved before?"

"I haven't. No one could ever love me, the Black Widow. A cold-hearted killer with so much red in my ledger. Steve I don't understand why you love me."

"What's not to love Natasha? You are the most wonderful person I've ever met. You beautiful first off. You have a big heart. You know how to cheer me up. You're patient with me. When everyone else saw the face of America waking up in a new era confused and scared, you saw a real man. Everyone else, Fury especially, treated me like a child who didn't know anything. I couldn't use a computer, but you taught me how. I didn't know how to use a cellphone and you taught me how. Everyone made fun of the old man, but you were different. You didn't see a child, you saw a soldier. And for that I'm grateful. So don't tell me there's nothing good about you."

"But Steve, I'm an assassin. My job is to take people's lives. It haunts me to this day."

"So? I lived in the era of World War 2. Wars involve sacrifice Nat. I've taken lives too. But that doesn't make us bad people."

Natasha was speechless. She'd never thought about that before. As she looked into Steve's eyes, she saw the compassion of Steve Rogers, and the motivation of Captain America. She saw the feelings of a kid from Brooklyn, but she also saw the leader that was the Cap. It calmed down to think maybe he was right. Maybe she shouldn't be so hard on herself. She stopped crying and smiled.

"Thanks Steve. For being there for me, for making me feel wanted. Thanks for everything."

Steve smiled back and put his arms around Natasha again. He kissed her forehead one more time, then took her hand and led her to the kitchen to begin preparing breakfast.


	8. Chapter 8

Once all the Avengers were seated and having breakfast, Natasha and Steve sat across from each other. They occasionally stole glances at one another and tried to hide their smiles. Sam noticed this, but because he already knew about their blossoming romance, he didn't do or say anything. Instead he smiled to himself and continued on with his breakfast. When they had all finished, Steve collected everyone's plates and proceeded to wash them. Natasha stayed behind to help him. As they were washing, Steve got an alert on his phone.

"Damn. We have a mission Nat."

"Is it just us?"

"Yup."

"That's cool."

"Fury says we have 30 minutes to get ready and meet the jet outside."

"Ok." Natasha turned to leave, but Steve stopped her.

"Natasha, the mission is in Russia."

Natasha's face sank and Steve thought he caught a faint glimmer of fear in her Natasha's eyes. But as soon as that look appeared, it disappeared and was replaced by the fearless, cold look of the Black Widow.

"Fine. Let's go pack. Take warm clothes."

She turned and left Steve, who was worried not about the mission, but about Natasha.

As soon as Natasha reached her room, she basically had a panic attack. All of the memories she had spent her life running from now came back to haunt her. And the worse part was that she was walking right into their open arms. Natasha hardly ever worried about herself on a mission, but this time she was scared that she wouldn't be able to hold up. She quickly pulled out her duffle bag and threw a jacket and extra clothes into the bag, then took as many weapons and bullet as she could and stuffed them into the bag. Better safe than sorry! (especially when you're a spy because that means life or death). She took a deep breath and headed downstairs to where Steve was waiting for her. He had already alerted the other trainees that they were going on a mission that should only take a few days at the most and they had the time off. They went out to the jet together and sat down inside. The pilot handed them the file with the mission debrief and they looked through it. It was a simple mission: infiltrate the Red Room and retrieve a flash drive with important information on it. As soon as Natasha saw the "Red Room", she paled. Steve noticed this and put his arm around her. She put her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes.

"Don't worry Nat. I won't let anything happen to you I promise."

"Thanks Steve."

They both stayed quiet until the pilot alerted them that he was landing three miles outside of the compound and that they should call when the mission is over. They descended into the cold snow and trecked on foot until they reached the Red Room compound. They hid in the bushes and began to construct a plan. But as they were, they heard the sounds people talking. They peeked over the bushes and saw a small child, perhaps nine years of age, standing outside wearing only a leotard and ballet tights. She must have been freezing! She was standing up very straight and held her head up high. The woman standing in front of her was yelling at her. She slapped the child across her face and the child's cheek started to bleed. Steve looked ready to jump up and beat the woman, but Natasha held him back, knowing all too well herself the consequences that would come of this. Instead, the team stayed put and waited for the woman to leave. Some time passed while Steve and Natasha stayed and waited.

"Nat we have to help that kid."

"Steve we can't. We can get close to her but either she'll kill us or someone else will."

"We can try, and if she does make a move, then at least it'll be worth a shot."

Natasha sighed in defeat, but also wanted to help this child. She looked for the cameras and shot them each so that they could have time. The child noticed this clearly, because her body tensed as she took a ready fighting stance. Steve and Natasha made their way out of their hiding place. The child turned and saw them, but showed no fear at all. Steve looked at Natasha, who said she'd handle this.

"Привет милая. Мы не хотим, чтобы тебе больно. Мы хотим, чтобы помочь вам, если вы позволите нам. Как тебя зовут?"

The girl remained silent for a moment, deciding whether or not to kill them. They seemed trustworthy and genuinely willing to help her. She decided to hear them out.

"Подписывайтесь на меня"

She looked around for a moment, and upon hearing people coming, the three took off running. They finally reached a shack and hid their, well out of view.

"Who are you and what do you want?" She spoke perfect English, with only a very slight accent.

"My name is Natasha. This is Steve."

The name clicked as the girl looked Natasha up and down. Her eyes finally settled on the symbol on her belt, which was hidden by a coat. Natasha noticed that the girl kept eyeing her catsuit. _Does she know who I am?_

"Why have you returned to Russia Miss Romanova?"

 _She does know me._ "We're looking for something. Something that contains important information."

"A flashdrive. I know where it is and I can help you get it."

Steve and Natasha were surprised at how quickly this little girl had caught on and how she was willing to help them. But it seemed a bit suspicious.

"Thanks. But why are you helping us?"

"You helped me escape, so I help you in return. No betrayals or foul play on my side I promise."

"Same here. Well then. How do we get it?"

"I have an idea. You beat me up right now, I make it look like I put up a fight and then I go back to that hell hole and pretend someone kidnapped me but I escaped. I know where to find the flash drive and I'll retrieve it and bring it to you by tomorrow."

Natasha and Steve were once again stunned at this girl and her plan.

"It sounds like a plan to me. Steve?"

"I think it could work, but I don't want to hurt you and if you somehow get caught, I don't want to be the reason they hurt you."

"Oh that's alright. They can't hurt me anymore than they already have. I'll be fine. Stay here for the night and I'll see you tomorrow I hope. Now, let's fight."

Both Steve and Natasha were reluctant to do anything, but eventually gave in. Natasha gave her a punch and Steve scratched her with the edge of his shield. Once the girl had a few cuts and bruises and her hair was messed up (she didn't dare let her tights rip), she left the shack and made her way back to the Red Room, coming up with a lie about what happened on the way. She returned, looking tired and out of breath as guards were still looking explained to her elders that someone blindfolded her and kidnapped her, but she escaped, not able to see the kidnapper or identify him. They seemed satisfied with her excuse and sent her to the medical bay for some stitching up. Once she was healed, they sent her to bed so that she could not rip her stitches open. The girl stayed in her room and slept for some time, until she woke around 3:00 am to get what she promised to retrieve. She snuck into the lab where the flash drive was being held and removed it, before quickly replacing it with a replica. Then she snuck back into her room undetected, hid the drive, and went back to sleep. The next morning, she attended her ballet classes and lessons, but wasn't allowed to train until the more important wounds had healed and the stitches could be removed. After her lessons, she was sent to her room, and because she usually did as she was told and cooperated, the door wasn't locked and no guards were placed, making her escape very easy. She slipped out of the window and took off running towards the shack. She opened the door, to find Natasha holding a gun up.

"Sorry, we didn't know who it was."

"No worries I do the same."

"Did you actually get it?"

"Yes." She handed the small flash drive to Natasha, so slipped it into her pocket.

"Look kid. Thank you for doing this. But we can't just leave you here. What if you get caught?"

"It is not a problem. My name is Ella by the way."

"Ella. Pretty name."

"Thank you."

"Look Ella. I've been trained by these people. I know what it's like and I know what they'll do to you. All those missions 'for Mother Russia'. It's bullshit. Come with us. We can attack the Red Room and get you out."

"I appreciate your concern, but we will be outnumbered."

"You underestimate the Black Widow. These people taught me everything I know. Outnumbered or not we can beat them."

"Ok."

The three packed their stuff, and alerted the jet to wait where it had dropped them off the day earlier. They loaded their weapons and went. As Natasha approached the compound, she noticed that it wasn't the one she was trained in. This one was much smaller. But then she remembered that the one before had burned down in a fire. The three made their way into the compound and took down anyone in their way. Everyone put up a hell of a fight-this was Russia after all- and eventually everyone who had not escaped was dead. As quickly as the three had entered, they left and made their way to the jet. Once inside, they finally let out the breath they had been holding in.

"Thank you both for what you have done. I have never felt more free in my life."

"You're welcome."

Ella smiled at them and turned to look out the window at the country she was leaving behind.

Natasha thought about the fight and how well Ella had fought. _She's better than I was as a child._ She looked down at the Russia she had tried so hard to forget and escape and thought about how she had escaped it for a second time.

 **translations**

 **number 1: Hello sweetie. We do not want to hurt you. We want to help you, if you let us. What's your name?**

 **number 2: follow me**


End file.
